Saturday, March 24, 2012

Clearing the Clog

The "Blog Clog" is at it's maximum these last few days.  I've been busy, and had all sorts of interesting interactions that I want to write about.  Each time I sit down to write about one, my mind switches gears, and I start thinking about another post, and even start another draft, and then another.  It's not the same as writer's block, when nothing is coming to you.  This is a clog of many thoughts, all trying to get out at the same time.  My frustration level is certainly climbing.  Not being able to get the thoughts out makes me agitated and nervous.  I don't like holding things inside, regardless if they are good, bad, or indifferent.
Sometimes,  I want so badly to experience immediate gratification, I forget about enjoying the process of getting there.  As of late, I have put so much pressure on myself to try to get all my thoughts organized into written form, that I forgot to enjoy the process of getting there.  I was upset with myself that I couldn't get a single word typed, even though I had plenty of them swirling around upstairs.  I kept trying to fish out deeper meanings behind the simplest interactions, instead of just being able to see them as they were.
What I needed was some Writer's Drano.  Something to break down my thoughts and release the clog.  Last night I tried distracting: taking a shower mindfully, and then cooking dinner.  I tried talking about being stuck.  I tried meditation, and jotting thoughts down.  I even tried chocolate.  (Which may not have been very helpful, but it was really delicious.)  Something must have worked, because even though this isn't one of the blogs I've been hovering over for days, it's far more words written than the ones I have been struggling with.
In my frantic state last night, trying to do anything to clear the clog and get a post written, I was able to take the pressure off myself, and just enjoy a few moments throughout the evening, where I felt calm and frustration free.  It was in those moments, that I was able to experience immediate gratification.  Hot water in the shower, a homemade meal, satisfying conversation, peace while I focused on my breath, and happiness, while a square of chocolate melted on my tongue.  For the rest of the evening, I was able to take the pressure off, and not worry about blogging.
By morning, I had already forgotten about enjoying the process, and ended up spending a good portion of the day, hovering over the computer, ready to bang my head against the wall, and no closer to finishing any of the three drafts.  So, I decided to start a fourth.  I figured if I was able to express my frustrations in written form, then perhaps I could just let them go, and move on.  It hasn't proven to be a quick process, but at least something is happening.  Maybe this post is more like a Writer's Plunger than Drano, where you don't wait for the clog to break down and pass, but rather force it through, and hope to God it doesn't overflow.

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