Friday, September 23, 2011

The Sweet Spot

I refer to the 6-8 weeks where the tremor really slows down, as my "sweet spot."  Usually about ten days after my Botox injections, the people who see me regularly, can see a decrease in the aggressiveness of the tremor.  I, however, only begin to notice the difference when my head is no longer whipping from shoulder to shoulder, and instead the range shortens and the rest of my body doesn't feel like it has to compensate for the excessive movements.  I am in the height of my "sweet spot" now.
It has become more and more apparent to me, that during the glorious weeks of being in the "sweet spot," my mood is more stable, my thinking is clearer, I have more energy, and am certainly more productive.  Perhaps it is the decrease in physical pain, or literally feeling more balanced.  Whatever the reason, it is more than welcome.
When the pain begins to increase, and the tremor starts to resume it's uncontrollable speed, I start having to work a little harder on keeping myself in check.  I become easily annoyed by outside noises and crowded places.  I start to feel more worn down, and tired.  I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.  It becomes harder NOT to notice I'm shaking.  These are the moments when I have to remind myself I don't want to miserable.  I want to cope.  These are days when I do self hypnosis throughout the day, instead of just before I go to bed.  These are the days I remind myself that it could be worse, in fact, it HAS been worse.  These are the days I repeat the Serenity Prayer as many times as I need to.
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Before I know it, I've managed to get through the week or two of the intensified tremor, and am walking into my movement disorder specialist's office, Botox in hand, ready to be put in a headlock by the nurse, and injected up to 16 times around my neck.  A couple of weeks later, people start remarking on how much more under control the movements are, and a few weeks later, I have reached yet another "sweet spot," another respite from the pain and frustration.  My hope is that eventually the sweet spots will last longer and longer.  In the meantime, I'm just happy I am able to let myself enjoy the ones I do get, no matter how long they last.

No comments:

Post a Comment