I've spent the last couple of days working on mindful breathing, but I have to admit, I haven't had much patience for it. Every time I find myself getting worked up over nothing in particular, I remind myself to breathe. Slowly inhaling and exhaling, noticing the pattern of my chest and belly, rising and falling, and on occasion, counting each breath, until I have reached ten. The problem I've noticed the past couple of days is that I want so badly to feel the deep relaxation and peace, that I lose focus of what count I am on, or I find myself just holding my breath.
When I say I get worked up over nothing in particular, I am in fact getting worked up in the particulars. I think about this thing that I should have done, that thing that I didn't do, those things that I could do, and all of a sudden I am sucked into the old patterns of thinking, leaving me lost for moments at a time. And then I remember I am not being in the moment, and so I set out on a ten breath marathon to find peace. And when I fail at my first attempt, I go back to being worked up, until I've gone through the cycle for three days, and now find myself sitting at the computer writing.
I have to remember to be patient. Stop pressuring myself to get everything done, and fix everything that is broken. I have to remember that the idea of mindful breathing is to do just that. Breathe mindfully. Notice every breath coming in, and going out, instead of attaching a destination to it. I will find peace when I am here, in this moment, breathing this breath, and not worrying about where I have to be, what I have to do, what I should have done, and what I could possibly do.