"The Suck"

The past couple of days have proven to be more difficult than I had anticipated. For some reason, prior to brain surgery, I had envisioned this whole recovery process was going to be speedy, and thought that by day ten I'd be up and moving around with minimal discomfort. Reality has set in. Sitting up for more than ten minutes leaves me exhausted, and although the pain has subsided significantly, there are moments of discomfort that leave me in tears. More than anything, the reality of "the suck" of recovering, is starting to sink in.
Yesterday morning, I sat crying as my girlfriend was getting ready to leave for work and I sobbed over "wanting this to be over already." She hugged me and tried pointing out all the progress I have made in just one week, but I didn't want to hear it. I just wanted to cry and complain; in the hopes that my self-pity would create some sort of miracle. So she let me cry, and agreed that this does indeed suck. Later that morning, I got a text message from her reassuring me that "we will do whatever we need to, to make the suck more tolerable."
This is exactly what I needed to hear. It reminded me that in the moments we cannot change, there is a choice to use skills to make the moment less painful. In DBT, we call this Distress Tolerance. I quickly wrote down her quote and told her I would credit her for her brilliance...so here I am, writing a blog about it. And yesterday, I pulled out every single distress tolerance skill I could think of to just make it through the suckiness.
You know what happened? I stopped crying and I started laughing. Two of my best friends in the world came by and brought me food and funny stories. I received the greatest hugs on the planet. They pointed out how much better I sounded now that I'm off pain medication. They reminded me what incredible doctors I have who fought for me to get to this moment in time. I listened to guided meditations. I napped. I wrote Thank You cards and when I couldn't hold my head up any longer, I gazed at the gorgeous bouquets of flowers people have sent. I showered and put on new pajamas. I got another visit from a wonderful friend, who brought me a gorgeous Citrine crystal and told me all about her recent vacation and tourist stops she made along the way. I texted with people I love the most. I ate ice cream in bed with my girlfriend and held hands with her.
At the end of the day, "The Suck" didn't seem so bad, and I felt better.
Today is even more tolerable. My mood is more uplifted, and I have more patience with myself. I'm not judging all that I can't do, instead I'm focusing on all I am able to do. I'm focused less on how much discomfort I'm in, and more focused on how much better I feel. I'm looking forward to who I get to see today and this weekend, instead of wallowing in the misery. As my girlfriend reminded me this morning, "You'll soon come to see that this will all be a memory. Crazy to think of it like that, because we're in the midst of the suck."
But it turns out...things aren't as sucky as they seem.